From the Desk of Mr Barrister Tony Blair

As with Nigerian 419 scammers, Mr Barrister Tony Blair doesn't himself address anyone. Such people imagine that heading a polite written request for £5,000 or an excuse for killing 100,000 people with the words 'From the desk of ...' or 'From the office of ...' adds gravitas to their own actual insignificance. Guys, it really doesn't. 

So we have Chilcot clarifying that the truth for Mr Barrister Tony Blair is what he believes it to be, and that he approached War in the same way an advocate defending a man charged with waving his todger about on the Central Line. For Mr Barrister Tony Blair, an emotional and persuasive appeal always trumps stuff like actual facts, real intelligence and credible evidence. And that probably goes for his Desk, his Office and any other objects that speak for him. 

But just as learned counsel don't actually deceive the court when they aver that their client claims he was just shaking raindrops from a newly purchased Bratwurst in that tube carriage, and that this could indeed have been the case, that there exists a reasonable doubt, so Mr Barrister Tony Blair wasn't actually deceiving us when he claimed with all his emotional wringing that Iraq might represent a threat. 

The difference is more than a £500 fine. Iraq is a nation drenched in innocent blood and spattered with detonated body parts, home to pain, suffering, desperation and despair, the source of Islamist hatred, and a graveyard for an entire generation. And for that we must thank the Desk of Mr Barrister Tony Blair, 419 scammer and blagger extraordinaire, a man who avoids jail as an eel eludes the hand. 

Coffee needed. I've got a vomity taste in my throat.

Summer migrant surge exposes multiple EU failures

Well, you've read about it here many times. The many millions of young, male, African economic migrants moving North to make the move into Europe, driven by low child mortality rates achieved 15- 20 years ago that have caused a massive population bulge of young men for whom failing, despotic and corrupt African economies can provide no work. Global 3G phones and cheap Chinese crocs and clothing have convinced these poor sods that, from their 8th century barrios, without work, educational or social skills, they can fit right into a 21st century Europe. Even the UN, an organisation now dedicated to the destruction of the old-world nations, admits they're just economic migrants.

So far this year 84,000 have reached Italy and Europe's southern sphincter is tightening. Austria is upping its Brenner Pass border control, France continues a state of emergency and the Visegrad nations continue to flip a middle finger to Brussels. It's five years too late, but just about everyone now realises just how badly the EU has failed in controlling migration. Everyone except the deluded morons in the Berlaymont, of course, who even now see nothing wrong. Any fix at source - in Libya - is also now likely to be achieved by an informal group of European nations as the EU continues to be paralysed by hubris, failure and delusion.

Michael Gove generally visits the prestigious Mayr clinic on Lake Wörthersee each year to have his colon flushed out and to eat weed soup, and I'm sure Sarah Vine appreciates the work he puts in to keep his bowel in good condition - she writes in the Mail that she fears 'dark forces' rising in Italy over migration that may imperil the annual Gove arse-hosing. God save us.

Car lease bubble to burst?

It's the same all over Europe. No-one buys a car for cash any more. The roads are full of cars under five years old most of which seem to have been bought on retail leases, those three or five year deals with low or no deposit, low monthly lease cost but with punitive damage and mileage conditions and a vastly inflated bubble payment at the end of the term should drivers perversely want to buy their cars rather than take out a new lease. 

Here they all go for those vast-tyred monsters that come as close to looking like like a Humvee as road-legal cars can get. With thick chrome roll bars and Bengal plate slab decks. And they pretend they own them. 

What I can't understand is what the car makers' leasing companies, who presumably own all the three year old returned cars, actually do with them. If they released them all on the market then second hand prices would plummet with a tsunami of perfect condition pre-owned cars and fewer people would take the new lease options - so where are they? Shipped overseas? In some vast desert store like the entire 1970s USAF fleet of aircraft? I think we should be told.

For scale, the driver is standing under the front spoiler. Essential for the Munich school run.