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Friday, 30 September 2011

Kelis - The anatomy of a non-story

A 'primped up little Diva' US entertainer called Kelis Rogers, of whom most readers will never have heard, jumped the queue at a Spanish non-EU immigration desk and was allegedly abused by a man in the queue who spoke English. Something of a non-story, you would have thought. The little minx got her come-uppance. 

Yet within hours the bumbling Mayor of London had written to the UK Border Agency under the misapprehension that the incident happened at Gatwick. Or Heathrow. The egregious Barbara Ellen in the Observer, under the strap 'Kelis reveals the face of casual British racism - the singer's experience of abuse should shame us all', demonstrates how journalists should never let the facts get in the way of a good story; the English-speaking man in the non-EU queue was certainly not British, but what the heck. He spoke English. And he was a man. Good enough. 

As for the conceit of our little Miss (and at 32 to be frank we're into Hogget territory here, if not quite Mutton) in imagining she's entitled to jump a queue, not a word. Airports have a finely tuned sense of etiquette; you're either a VIP, or you're not. They decided Kelis Rogers was not. Live with it. And until immigration control comes up with a lane for 'Non-EU Victims of Western Colonial Oppression Who Think They're Important' there's just one queue for all us white and black folk together. 

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Individual Electoral Registration

Michael Pinto-Duschinsky, amongst the foremost of expert witnesses on UK Electoral practices, has estimated in evidence to Parliament that the UK's electoral Register of some 45m voters is 'wrong' by some 6m; 3m who are on the register who shouldn't be, and 3m not registered who should be. Anecdotal evidence of widespread electoral registration fraud, particularly amongst ethnic minorities, is borne out by the high numbers of immigrants appearing in court for electoral offences. The current registration system was designed for a gentler, more honest era and for a people who didn't need their fingers dipping in purple ink to prevent them multiple voting.

The reform of voter registration is strongly supported by the Electoral Commission (since 2003), The Association of Electoral Administrators, The Office for Democratic Institutions and Human Rights, The Committee for Standards in Public Life and of course the Conservative Party. The reform is strongly opposed by, er, The Labour Party.  

Hattie Harman screeches today that the changes will deprive Labour of their core fraudulent vote in the cities of their core phantom voters of their terminally stupid supporters of their client minorities of crucial voter support. Comments in the Standard as follows;
She needs to be worried: in one ward in Waltham Forest at the last election the turnout was 105% - to Labour's advantage, surprisingly - and the local election vote was higher than for the general election. Nothing at all suspicious there.
this is beyond pathetic. Why is it "harder" to register voluntarily than if it is compulsory?Doe sit make it more difficult for Labour councils to forge votes?
I dont know why Labour are so worried. Most of their election candidates fill in the forms for their votors anyway. As was clearly shown in several east-end London wards at the last election.
As opposed to 13 years of constituency boundary changes to maximise Labour votes.... Hmm somehow I'm not bothered.....
I wonder, do these "missing millions" have something sinister to conceal. Then again, airhead Harman's Labour had thirteen years to enforce the law regarding registration on the Electoral Register - but did diddly.
So in summary Labour are worried that millions of their "core" supporters care so little for their party and policies that they can't be bothered spending 5 minutes filling in a voter registration form.

McCarthy the Mandarin goes private

Nothing quite so clearly illustrates the close links between our Central Statist Mandarinate and the big corporates than the story this morning about McCarthy's seamless segue from Whitehall to a Crapita subsidiary. It could as well have been Tesco, G4S or one of the volume housebuilders, for it's the massive superstores, new prisons and rabbit hutch estates that will all benefit from the planning reforms that McCarthy steered through at the DCLG. Whilst his erstwhile boss Eric Pickles mouthed platitudes about planning going local, about communities and neighbourhoods having the final say on new developments, McCarthy was quietly pushing though a charter for the big corporates that means in effect that Parish Councils do have the final say as long as the word is 'yes'.  

McCarthy's new job is to use his contact network within Whitehall to cement the commercial symbiosis between the Mandarinate and the big corporates. Both are intensely committed to maintaining a central command and control State, to retaining power in Whitehall, and to the diversion by Whitehall of billions in tax funds each year to the pockets of the corporates. In return, the corporates offer an attractive sinecure to any compliant Mandarin when they're ready to move on. 

The arrogance of Whitehall is stupefying. 

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

What sort of pub does Polly patronise?

I hesitate to imagine the sort of pub Lady Toynbee might use, but it would certainly have a wimmins only area, serve Islington gastrogrub at £17.50 a plate, be furnished in bleached Swedish barwood and have shelves of cloth-bound novels by obscure Fabians, purchased by the linear metre by the decorators. The blackboards notice boards would advertise 'alcohol-free alternatives' and a leaflet box would hold details of a local HRT support group. It's just possible then that what Polly claims this morning may be true;
Even after the crash Labour dared not speak a word of blame, but this leader was ready to say what you hear outside any school gate, in any pub, on any doorstep. As he berated "fast-buck" traders, something for nothing "predators", "asset strippers", "vested interests", "cosy cartels", "rigged markets" and "Britain's closed circles", here was the answer to what drives Ed Miliband on.
How far divorced the experiences of the rich and privileged are from the lives of us ordinary folk. Lady Toynbee and her friends, waiting at the gates of the London Oratory School or St Pauls Girls School in their Vulvo estates, or on the polished marble doorsteps of Highgate and Ham, enjoy a unique insight that's lost to the rest of us.

In the pubs the rest of us use, public contempt and loathing is reserved for politicians, journalists and bankers. At the school gate, resentment and confusion at the £90,000 salary of the mediocre lefty head leading the school to academic failure, and on the doorsteps anger and pain at Labour's poison legacy of immigration and gross economic mismanagement. But we wouldn't expect Lady Toynbee and her Fabian chums to know the views of us ordinary folks, would we?

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Balls announces new Tractor Plan

In a six-hour speech to the XIVth Praesidium of the Labour Party, Comrade Ed Balls announced the adoption by the Party of a new Tractor Plan. Admitting that Labour may have over-produced tractors during the last government, he refused to apologise, saying "We are the party of tractors. I make no apology for using the entire income of the State in tractor production. It was not the Blackburn 'Harvester' or the Sheffield Machine Works 'Strongboy' that caused the collapse of capitalist running dogs Lehman." Under the slogan "Old Labour - New Tractors" Comrade Balls announced that Labour would produce 895,434 tractors in 2015, financed by a new shoe-tax on those kulaks and intellectuals who still owned shoes and a new Progressive Education Tax under which tuition fees would be linked to A level results; each A* result would clock up £2,000 a year in tuition fees, whilst each Grade C would only result in an annual charge of £150. "For once and all, we will ensure the children of the Proletariat have access to the Tractor Academies" Comrade Balls said.

The Praesidium was reduced to tears by a poem of praise to the Leader written and read by a 13 year old pupil at Maidstone Plough Institute Number 315, in which he compared the Leader to a three-point linkage with PTO. "The Party is my Father, my Mother and my Tractor" the boy read. In gratitude, Comrade Balls ordered him to be taken away and shot. 

Monday, 26 September 2011

EU and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

There's a scene in Robert Persig's book in which the owner of an expensive new BMW bike consults a fellow biker over a mechanical problem. His brake lever assembly turns slightly on the handlebar tube, even though he's tightened the collar's nut and bolt as far as he can. The friend advises the use of a thin aluminium shim wrapped around inside; you could cut one from a coke-can and the tighten the assembly up again. The BMW owner was horrified. A coke-can shim was not a BMW standard part; surely BMW manufactured and sold their own shims, to be fitted by authorised dealers? Why hadn't the shim been fitted in the first place? Where was Quality Control?

It seems Persig's BMW bike owner went on to draft EU regulations. As absurd as it appears, it may shortly be illegal under EU law to fit your own coke-can shim to pack out a slipping collar, let alone change your bike tyres or tune the engine. Some bikers even think changing your own oil could be illegal. And proposed emission regulations, rules on engine management and braking systems and other EU meddling could well make a 1975 Honda 90 the most exciting bike you'll ever see on the road.  

Why are they doing this? Well, it's the Euro obsession with environmentalism and safety taken to an absurd degree. The previous big step, banning two-stoke engines, had less environmental benefit in Europe than scrapping a small herd of Fresian cows, and has left yachtsmen struggling dangerously in underpowered  tenders with overweight four-stroke engines. And now they've started on the bikers in earnest. The proposals are out to consultation at the moment, so do let the Transport Department know what you think if you have a few minutes. 

I'm proud to say my brother, the MD of a small engineering firm and with a garage full of bits of 'work in progress' bikes (not to mention the newly lacquered petrol tank curing in the airing cupboard ...) took part in the Ipswich protest ride at the weekend; the four good-humoured escorting police bikes allowed them to make three circuits of the Orwell Bridge, no doubt themselves thinking of the day they're downgraded to electric bicycles, causing a measured and quite English disruption to traffic.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Not something Labour can apologise for

So, Yvette Cooper-Balls, with an eye to the Labour vote, graciously admits "We did get things wrong on immigration", as though Labour had made an unfortunate choice of living room wallpaper, or bought the wrong dishwasher. 

Yvette, sweetie, Labour's malign and deliberate open-door policy on immigration has trashed the nation's educational standards, will cost hundreds of billions in additional health, social care, policing, criminal justice, housing and social infrastructure costs, has tested the British virtue of tolerance to the limits, has fostered terrorism, increased risk, encouraged anti-British bigotry, eroded the social fabric, made ghettos out of some of our cities and has caused a level of cultural stress that has left the British nation with real and diagnosed PTSD-like symptoms. Labour's policy was a violent shock, an assault, an abuse and a violation of the people of this nation. 

But let's be clear. None of the above was the fault of the immigrants who came here - they just reacted, as we would, to an opportunity that was offered by Labour. No, those who would seek to target anger against immigrants or disguise their racism as righteous ire are stupidly, wantonly wrong and mistaken and are the allies, not the foes, of Labour. Every ounce, every dram and scruple of the blame for this violation, this assault, against the British people lies unequivocally with the Labour Party, not with the immigrants.

That Cooper-Balls has the gall to seek to treat this as something she can apologise for speaks volumes about the contempt in which her political cabal holds the rest of us. Right now, I really would like to see that bloody woman and her loathsome spouse pay the proper price for their crimes.