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Saturday, 11 April 2015

Trollop's Day

Forgive me, but I find the sight of acres of bright orange cellulite squeezed into the artificial fabrics that a gaggle of drunken Liverpudlian trollops call 'clothes' one of the most unedifying spectacles of the racing season. It is little wonder that only the vulgar, the plebean, the counter-jumpers and bounders, cads and trollops now attend Aintree and Ascot. Well, they're all very welcome to one another. 

Vulgar, vulgar, vulgar. 

End rant.

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Election boredom

From John Lanchester in the LRB;

"I’ve never seen polls like that. The thing which really stands out is that nothing stands out. They are as flat as the flattest of flatnesses. Five months ago, on 7 October, Labour was on 34 per cent and the Tories on 32. In the latest polls, Labour are on 33 per cent and the Tories on 34. That small advantage is not stable, though. The parties are passing the tiny lead back and forth between them like dope-smokers conscientiously sharing a joint."

What could possibly enliven the ennui? I've always held that 5 year fixed terms were a mistake. Let's hope for -
  • Miliband tweets a photo of his genitals by mistake
  • Cameron is pictured gralloching a badger
  • New photos of Ed Balls wearing Nazi gear emerge
  • Black prostitute releases video of Osborne sniffing coke
  • Seb Coe pictured naked with Sam Cam  
  • Blair's chest bursts open at press conference and lizard emerges
  • Harriet Harman writes "My alien rectal ordeal" for the Sun
  • .....

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Will they PLEASE stop digging Blair up

It seems Labour can't leave Blair decently in the ground for five minutes without digging him up and moving his old Zombie bones in front of a mic. This time it was to tell us, with a level of insincerity that only the dead can manage, that he 100% supported Miliband. He also told his invited audience of Labour thugs and necromancers that democracy was quite overrated, the public could never be trusted to make the right decisions and that Saddam had a secret invisibility bomb stashed in the heart of London. 

Mr Blair was later reburied in the borders pending his exhumation for an interview with Paxman next week. 


What Charles is for

There are several reasons why Mr Cameron should not attend Russia's 70th anniversary of Victory Day in Moscow on May 9th, the foremost being that he may lose the election or be engaged in the opening days of coalition discussions. Likewise the Sovereign must remain in London to invite one of the party leaders to form a government. 

However, Cameron ruled himself out some time ago as part of a US-orchestrated hissy-fit at Putin over Ukraine. America seems to forget too easily that Russia had 12,000,000 military dead compared to 400,000 US military dead, and it was Russia that made the British and Canadian -led invasion of Europe on D-Day possible. So far only the Czech president has told the US to get stuffed, banning the US ambassador from Prague Castle. Even long-lived Russian veterans of the war can't go on for ever, and this year is the last milestone anniversary for VE day, as 2014 was the last Normandy commemoration. The prolonged US sulk at having been wrong-footed over Ukraine should not eclipse Russia's true place as our vital ally against Nazi Germany. 

We should, even at this stage, agree to send Prince Charles to Moscow, It is, after all, what he's for.