Tuesday, 28 March 2017

"I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too"

An early post for Brexit Day as I've got a chocca full day's graft from first light tomorrow. 

Of course, England has been here before. The EU (that's the Pope and the whole of Catholic Europe) excommunicated Queen Elizabeth and barred all trade with us; not even a WTO-terms deal, only a bit of state-sanctioned piracy and smuggling kept us going. In reaction we went further afield to find new trade partners and accidentally founded the British Empire, established dominance of the seas and oceans and led the world in trade and commerce. They did us a favour, really.  

Anyway, if you fancy a rollocking good yarn with your celebratory tipple on B-day, rent Cate Blanchett's Elizabeth - The Golden Age; it's really rather appropriate.



Theresa May reads the draft of the Article 50 letter one last time before it is carried to Brussels. This is it!




 
In Brussels, Herr Juncker and Commissioner Mogherini discuss their reaction to the notification
PM May has a problem - half the country are still Remainians, committed to the 'old ways' and the sinister Tim Farron is doing his best to sow dissent in the realm
The Labour Party NEC meets to discuss the implications of Brexit. Mr Corbyn is misplaced and found later in a store cupboard. 






Meanwhile Brexit Secretary David Davis sets out to 'singe the King of Brussel's beard' before negotiations start, and is ably partnered by ...






Boris 'spuds and tobacco' Johnson, just back from exploring Washington and meeting Mr Trump, the chief of the indiginous tribes in the New World





At home Nicola Sturgeon, Queen of Scots, is caught by GCHQ plotting with Remainians to betray Brexit. 'We know the contents of every secret letter you sent' the head of MI5 tells her.






Herr Juncker's chief negotiator, Herr Barnier and Herr Verhofstadt discuss destroying the British negotiating position 'We vill crush dem and stomp dem into ze eart! No trade deal for dem!'
Mrs May makes her final speech to Conservative Party Conference before the climax of the Brexit talks. "I may have the stomach of a feeble woman, but my legs are rather good and I have the heart of a Lion"






The EU main negotiating team arrives, stunning the Brits by the size and scale 'Crikey!' exclaims Boris, and takes up smoking again, thanking providence he remembered to bring tobacco back from his US trip.



That night, Mrs May smells smoke and wakes to see the entire EU negotiating team on fire. She summons Boris, but he's nowhere to be found
Herr Juncker and the Commissioners have to explain to Europe that they've screwed up, and that all their homework got burnt in an accidental cigarette fire; Britain wins the talks
Boris turns up from the direction of the ashes of the EU team clutching a baked potato 'You see I knew there was a reason I brought these back from the new world; just the thing to keep you going when you're looking for a dropped fag ..'

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

What larks... I like the juxtapositions.

Happy B day Raedwald.

Looking forward to Independence Day.

right-writes

anon 2 said...

Now that's "Creative Writing"!!! Nice one, Raedwald; thank you :)

--------

PS: The bit about May-hems legs - I expect people are always remarking about them, so she shows 'em off. As a vicars daughter, though, she should remember: "God gave 'em to her. She only walks around on them."

Quite what's behind the vulgarity of her necklace displays though . . . remains to be seen.

mike fowle said...

Love the annotations.

John Brown said...

Yes", as I emailed Lord Bragg, a Remainer and presenter of the R4 programme "In our Time" after the first Lord's EU Exit Bill amendments votes :

"Lord Bragg
In our Time
16/03/2017

A possible subject for a programme would be how Henry VIII used the royal prerogative powers to break from Rome and the Papacy and how this led eventually to the age of reason and scientific methods, a global trading empire and the Industrial Revolution.

This was despite Henry VIII essentially remaining a catholic himself, despite the country being told that it would suffer dire consequences culminating in the Spanish Armada and despite attempts by remainers, such as Bloody Mary and Guy Fawkes, to keep the country catholic and under the control of Rome."

I see that Ms Sturgeon is becoming Mary Queen of Scots, Tim Farron Guy Fawkes and Anna Soubry Bloody Mary.

John Brown

PS : Sorry I posted this comment in the wrong place earlier.

Cascadian said...

I have so little faith in the conservative party, that I believe application of the six phases of a project applies:

1. Enthusiasm

2. Disillusionment

3. Panic

4. Search for the guilty

5. Punishment of the innocent

6. Praise and honours for the non-participants

Enjoy enthusiasm while it lasts.

The unforgivable length of time to get to this point speaks loudly of the utter chaos that must exist amongst your "negotiators". A bureaucracy that cannot fix costs to relative simple provisions of healthcare is in no position to unravel the complex arrangements that have been signed onto over the last several decades.

Nevertheless I wish you well, this is a step in the direction of minimizing the managed decline.

Anonymous said...

luvin it, have a great day RADDERS!

Weekend Yachtsman said...

Ha ha very good Radders.

Is Cascadian by any chance either Son-of-Duff or Pete North?

(Come to think of it, has anyone actually seen those two in the same room together?)

Just wondering...

rapscallion said...

Quite so Radders, but I also like the lines immediately following those stirring words - "and think foul scorn that Parma or Spain, or any prince of Europe, should dare to invade the borders of my realm; to which rather than any dishonour shall grow by me.

And that pretty much sums up how I feel and think about it.

No matter, today is a day to celebrate, the first of many steps on the road to becoming a free independent sovereign country again.

Budgie said...

Well, she has done it. The letter to invoke TEU Article 50 has been handed over. Now we have a maximum of two years to negotiate a few things that need negotiation and many that do not. I hope Mrs may knows the difference.

The bottom line is:
1. Restoration of UK legal supremacy;
2. UK out of the single market (EEA, Customs Union);
3. UK control of all our fishing grounds;
4. UK control of immigration;
5. Return of money "invested" in ECB, EFSM etc;
6. Conversion of EU Regulations to UK law as an interim measure only;
7. UK out in 2 years or preferably much less;
8. A reasonable EU trade deal, or no deal (WTO rules);
9. Trade deals with other nations in parallel;
10. No punishments or exit fees;
11. Out of the ECHR and ECJ.

James Higham said...

Could well happen this way but there is precedent. Each time a grave objection arose, bloodymindedness carried it through. That was Nigel's at one time, then the 52% and now May who was right pissed off by her treatment by Brussels. It will happen again and still go through.

Bill Quango MP said...

That was excellent.

Cascadian said...

Weekend Yachtsman, I invite you to read the PM's letter to Tusk, wherein it is implicitly stated that a framework of how the negotiations are achieved has not even been agreed.

Given the proclivities of the EU and yUK bureaucracies, how do you expect that this "framework" and these complicated negotiations will be concluded within two years?

The letter itself is a verbose mess, full of pleading and already conceding that a large exit payment is due, mixing economic factors with security, meanwhile ignoring the reality of both parties weak economic futures.

And then consider who will be negotiating for yUK, similar negotiating giants that cobbled together your surrender to the IRA? Geniuses that put together the nuclear decommissioning project? or the payment terms for doctors in the NHS? That BoJo the clown is a chief negotiator, should say all that is necessary as to your future.

Perhaps it is time to consider you are approaching phase 2 of the project-disillusionment.

Like many here I support brexit, I just fear the complacent ignorance of negotiating tactics and jingoism that is evident. It will produce a mediocre result, full of missed opportunities, riddled with costly errors.

anon 2 said...

Cascadian @ 17:36 --- Aye.
___________________
Oh, btw. Regarding Raedwald's title for this post --- it really is a terrible irony that our Prime Ministers, throughout this traitorous mess, have all acted and behaved like tyrannical kings. How did that happen when the real monarchy is de-fanged and bound to concede to the will of the people?

The pattern is strikingly similar to that of the communist dialectic, in which revolution empowers the leaders of rebels, who in turn replace the original potentates; see Orwell's in "Animal Farm" for what happens when they lose the idealism they professed. Like Orwell's "pigs," our Neo-kings and queens (Prime Ministers), since the onset of Marxism, have failed to produce any improvment in conditions suffered by ordinary People. Indeed - we now have "populism" defined as a derogatory term.

Anonymous said...

things got so much better when we were in the EU - didn't they?

I mean tarzan, tony and gordo with handelscrote and flippin eck anna sozzlebury - they told us and oh Gina did too!! - you ignorant stupid, stupid popularists!!

Oh! oh, oh, oh! you ungrateful bastards!

You'll see, just you wait, Jean claude, Michel Bluffier and Merko will bring you to heel!

You bastards bastards the lot of you!


innit.

Anonymous said...

Cascadian:

That is what is worrying me, too: Given the proclivities of the EU and yUK bureaucracies, how do you expect that this "framework" and these complicated negotiations will be concluded within two years?

Lisboeta

Stephen Bayliss said...

Ironically the R4 program "The Long View" this week was all about Elizabeth 1 formation of that trading empire after Catholic Europe boycotted trade with England after Henry's excommunication. Its stop for a free trade agreement was the Ottoman Empire...

anon 2 said...

Stephen Bayliss @ 22:14 --- "Its stop for a free trade agreement was the Ottoman Empire..." Oh, 'twas ever thus; that 'Trojan War' seems to be wax eternal. Something, it seems, to do with the gateway to Russia (via Bosphorus), and that to the East (originally via 'Silk Road'; later via Suez).
So, most recently, WWI, WWII, and now.

Dioclese said...

One of your better posts, if I May be so bold (geddit? eh geddit??)