It starts with the 'Bells on Sunday' man. He's provided with a BBC technician's van in Brunswick Green livery and each week makes his way to one or two small English or Welsh villages, booking into a small local 3* hotel before an English breakfast and a 10am meeting with the ringers and vicar.
"Righto - I'll use three mics. An external gun mike oriented to the tower louvres, one in the nave and the other on the ringing floor."
"Okay let's go for levels please - ring away"
Then, even if the first take of 'Campion quad bob minor' is perfect "Okeydokey let's go for one more take ..." because with two or three takes everyone feels they're getting their money's worth.
Then onto an agreeable solitary lunch in an ancient pub at least a village away before the next appointment. I reckon the BoS man does two recordings a week, probably by Wednesday, allowing Thursday and Friday for the programme editor, the BBC Controller of Bells, first, second and assistant sound engineers, offline and online editors, archive and rights manager and HR director, all on the payroll of the 2-minute BoS slot, to undertake executive meetings and decide which of the two or three takes from each church recording is to be broadcast. The head office team doesn't waste the time from Monday to Wednesday, you can be sure. On Monday there's the wash-up meeting following the Sunday broadcast -
"I thought the continuity was a little rushed, Jeremy. Schedule a meeting, will you, with the Head of Continuity, the Scripts Editor and the Facts and History Controller, say next week?"
On Tuesday the team meets in plenary session to agree the locations for forthcoming recordings, each with a fat file of photocopied letters from tower captains across the land extolling the qualities of their ring of eight tuned to E♭.
And of course Wednesdays are for the clearance of the equalities statements with the BBC Equalities and Diversity teams. Wednesdays are the worst day of the week.
"I see you've got the next eleven rings planned. All villages. Cheshire, Shropshire, Worcestershire. All hideously white, from the demographics. And despite my previous memoranda, not a single recording of change ringing from a Moslem church"
"Uhm, Controller, there's a problem there. You see mosques don't have ..."
"With respect, I'm not looking for excuses. Just action. I want to hear bells from Moslem, Hindu and Jewish churches in the next three months. Clear?"
"Well of course we'll try. I Expect this is a bit of a change for you from the BBC Climate Change department?"
But most of all I want to be the BoS man in the little Brunswick Green van, never entering Broadcasting House from one year to the next, going home each week to a little pink cottage in a tiny hamlet in the Suffolk brecklands, a comfortable wife and a loving dog.
18 comments:
I am still surprised the BBC don't do a 'Adhan on Friday' slot
"a little pink cottage in a tiny hamlet in the Suffolk brecklands, a comfortable wife and a loving dog." is a very English fantasy. It appeals to me so little that I may actually have to resign from being English.
That's a nice church. Where is it ?
A little pink cottage wouldn't do for me. I need a manor house to have room for all my books. And Suffolk is too flat.
Church bell ringing puzzles me because it doesn't seem to have any relation to other European music. Always good to hear, though.
Don Cox
There used to be programmes( not always churchy) of broader interest but similar type with strong local focus. “ Down your way” was one of them.
“ Songs of Praise” used to be based on a particular parish or locality. You felt you got a flavour of the place. Long before the present shut down, it had become a collection of recordings from all over the place, themed according to the usually pc priorities of the day and a presumption in favour of “dumbing down” . Richard Stilgoe produced a send-up of the format which, in those days often included “ Harry Secombe singing “ Morning has Broken” by a stream” . You also got to hear the modernised wordings of hymns where “ thees ” and “ thous” were banned. The ultimate degradation of this type must have been in “ Eternal Father strong to save” where
“ O hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea”
became
“ O hear us when we cry to you
For those who sail the ocean blue”
Don - Washbrook, Suffolk. Where I grew up. It's hidden down a narrow sunken lane with, as the name suggests, the lane fording a stream. The hunt kennels are adjacent. It's deserted, and when the glebe is thick with the blossom of cow parsley and the only sound the wings of myriad insects, it comes very close to heaven.
Come on .... this is the BBC. They'd be a truckload of personnel for the recording session.
The team with the mic; at least two BBC approved (ie Woke) historians, so they could have a 3-way conversation with the very un-woke and amateur local historian - and demonstrate to the listeners what a bigoted little Englander he is.
Then there'd be the make-up and costume team (ok, it's radio, but best be prepared for an upgrade to TV).
And finally, there'd be the Equality and Diversity Team - needed to identify the local LGBTQXSPDFT population.
Oh, and a Director to oversee the lot. And they'd all be on taxpayer-funded expenses, natch.
Ah, the memories are pouring in - I once unwisely opened my gob a little too far in my local one night: "What sort of tune can you play with six bells ?"
And in to the world of campanology I was pitched (ahem)
If ever one wished to see England at its best, follow a bell-ringing team around (that's all I was allowed to do - no sense of tone or timing: apart from pushing the record button on the Phillips cassette recorder I never made the first team)
Meeting new people, paying 50p for the inevitable salad, and off to a real ale pub for the evening - joy.
The thing about this is - that the BBC and all its woke liberal class are more likely to live in this environment than the urban street-level, diverse class that they claim to represent.
I haven't listened to Radio 4 for quite a few years now - you'd think that getting older it would be the other way around.
Literally summoned by bells. What a dream task. I could combine it with a little inn and pub reviewing.
That and Choral Evensong.
Two programmes not infected with right-on (do people still use this term?) commentators whose only knowledge of their topic is what pops up on the teleprompt.
Long, long ago when I was a schoolboy their was Fyfe Robertson, who appeared on Tonight, a programme of otherwise, to me, boring talking heads.
Fyfe appeared to have free rein to roam where ever he wanted, accompanied only by the same cameraman, whom he did not pretend did not exist.
Obviously it could not last. A lack of OB leeches did not suit the union, and the thing was uncontrolled, which did not suit the Beeb top floor.
Besides he was homely in a craggy, mature, seen-life way.
He was honest.
Tom Paine, 07:04: "It appeals to me so little that I may actually have to resign from being English."
USA then France no doubt.
I know it's 'whimsy' but I think DeeDee99 may be nearer the truth of the matter here Raedwald.
Apologies for the "their" just there, instead of "there".
My only excuse is the text predictor which seems to kick in in the pS just before pressing Publish.
Where's Cheesey?
Only joking.
@Edward Spalton "There used to be programmes( not always churchy) of broader interest but similar type with strong local focus. “ Down your way” was one of them."
They still make and broadcast that program, except that nowadays it's called Great Railway Journeys and it's done by a bloke in a loud jacket. And it has as much to do with railways as it does campanology.
Brilliant piece Radders.
Perfect read to start this sunny Suffolk Sunday.
‘Suffolk too flat’ opines one commentator. Clearly never bicycled this fair county.
Oh, and your reference to pink cottages, wife and dog still holds good - even in this insane world.
I recommend ‘A Passion For Churches’ - available on iPlayer.
Still waiting for 'Man's Hour' in the mornings)
@Doonhamer - Fyfe Robertson was an absolute delight - I'm sure that he had his own Whicker-like programme at one time.
One thing that I remember - Robertson had no time for trendy municipal art: phoney art as he used to refer to it - or 'phart' in short.
sok @ 10:03 : "Still waiting for 'Man's Hour' in the mornings)" :
The BBC Radio did attempt to run a 'Man's Hour' programme but it was totally cringeworthy and didn't last long.
This is because these programmes only work if the subject is seen to be a victim.
Very sweet, but misleading. BoS does not have staff of thousands, just some guy who gets sent .wav or .mp3 files. He chops them to fit and bosh, job done. Very good value, a proper bit of traditional BBC culture.
Still, when Murdoch, Barclays, Rothermere and Desmond have taken enough lumps out the BBC with your help, you can have Pegging on Sunday instead.
Over at that hotbed of communist activism The Sunday Times we have a serious piece rubbishing Prince Boris and HMG's approach to 'the flu'. The lazy b&*tard spent January and February up to his old tricks, bunking off, failing to read papers, you know the scene. Back then floods were all the rage, Do Nothing DEFRA lives on with a perfect excuse.
An interesting few weeks coming up. Boris in some danger of being retired on 'health' grounds. Hiding behind the scientists waiting for an excuse to lift the lockdown, as if. They are not mug enough to give the all clear. A few grey and one brown man from HM Treasury will be giving Boris/Gove the gipsy's warning, that will be the 'all clear'.
As a fellow IP24 enthusiast, I also concur entirely with your view of "the bells, the bells".
I've always thought that had I ever been invited onto "Desert Island Discs" (highly unlikely, as I'm neither wealthy, famous or silly enough), one of my choices would have been the sound of some English church bells, sounding out across snowy winter countryside one late afternoon. (The last part is only in my imagination, probably prompted by the opening lines of the best book not on campanology, "The Nine Tailors").
If one was ever daft enough to be stranded on a desert island, what sound could more invoke the thoughts of home?
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