CHEESE
Only British made cheese will be allowed to be sold in the shops after Brexit. The government will publish recipes for baked Lymeswold, Dairylea Raclette and for drying Cheddar to grate for a pasta topping. American tinned and aerosol cheese will be expected to fill any supply gaps, and New Zealand Cheddar imports will increase by 500%
CONDOMS
After Brexit, condom size will no longer governed by Directive EU 15/8454. The UK will therefore be free to both manufacture and import condoms in the larger sizes that British men have long been keen to use. Old stocks of sub-sized EU-standard prophylactics can be send to Asia as grant-aid in lieu of money.
DOGS
French bulldogs, German shepherds, Rottweilers, Schnauzers, Pyrenean mountain dogs and other Euro breeds will have to be renamed
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