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Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Varadkar's cringemaking letters

It seems that the Teasack is a dangerous man when left alone with some official letter-paper and a biro. It started when his letter to Kylie came to light; in his childish inward-sloping script Varadkar gushed 
Dear Kylie,

just wanted to drop you a short note in advance of the concert in Dublin.
I am really looking forward to it. Am a huge fan!
I understand you are staying in the Merrion Hotel which is just across the street from my office in Government Buildings.
If you like, I’d love to welcome you to Ireland personally
Teasack (Irish Prime Minister)
Now journalists want to see a letter he wrote to Melania Trump - but the Teasack's officials, wary of more cringemaking gushing being revealed, are so far refusing an Irish FOI request on grounds that it deals with 'International Relations'.

However, we can take a stab at the likely content;
Dear Dear Melania

How wonderful you looked today! How do you get your hair like that? You must tell me your secret. In fact, we should be besties and share all our secrets - I do a thing with yoghurt and cucumber peel which is very good for the private places! I loved your shoes - I could die for the chance of Manolo Blahviks like that, with the cute little bows!

Anyway must dash - Jean-Claude wants me on the phone (boring!)

Teasack (Irish Prime Minister)
Further requests are to be submitted for copies of the Teasack's letters to Beyonce, Lady Gaga and the blond boy from 'Talent'.


DeeDee99 said...

As cringe-making as Hague's grovelling to Angelina Jolie.

Poisonedchalice said...

As my primary school teacher once said about handwriting "backward sloping - backward pupil"

mikebravo said...

Dear Manny,
I have a new bottle of baby oil and a tube of Glide and would love to hook up at your hotel with you and your bad boy friends.
Let me know when your mummywife is away.


Phil said...

It has coherency, absent from most of Trump's tweets, and is probably not a lie either.

Yes, you can make up stuff too if you like, Raedwald.

Great, isn't it?

Sackerson said...

I thought the letter was a fake. Is it? Please tell me it is.

Raedwald said...

Sadly true

Bill Quango MP said...

Reminds me of a very sensible floor manager.

One day, a motorised street cleaning machine overheated and caught fire right outside our building.

He got the big steel shutters down to protect the equipment at the front. Moved everyone to safety. Evacuated the public.

But when the Emergency services arrived he suddenly cried,

"Ohhhhhhh Loooook! Firemen!" and dashed down to greet them, running and giggling like Graham Norton.

Span Ows said...

Bill quango, I just spat soup all over my desk...but worth it.

Phil 07:44 "It has coherency, absent from most of Trump's tweets, and is probably not a lie either."

Meaning trump's tweets aren't coherent? Meaning trump's tweets are lies?

Sobers said...

What happened to serious people? Why are we governed by these preening children?

Phil said...

Both, Span, and proven to be so hundreds of times now.

Phil said...

Sobers. Varadkar is taken very seriously, by the twenty-six leaders of the most developed, richest economy in the world, who are resolutely behind him and his country, and so he is way more powerful than this country's PM.

He is a serious person.

Never mind today even, can you just imagine, the UK, with Johnson, say, as PM?

Raedwald said...

"...the twenty-six leaders of the most developed, richest economy in the world"

*sigh* usual EUphile lies again. They're just not at home to reality, are they?

2019 per capita GDP at PPP
USA - $58k
UK - $47k
EU27 - $39k

Mark said...

"He is a serious person"

I imagine by EU standards he is.

Anonymous said...

"Why are we governed by these preening children?"

Pretty common situation throughout history. People who want power enough to work for it are often not entirely normal. Nor are princes who inherit power.

Don Cox

Span Ows said...

Phil said 15:28

"Both, Span, and proven to be so hundreds of times now."

You actually know that isn't true so why write it? Maybe a few times, maybe even a few dozen (I actually doubt that); count the number of tweets and it'll be far lower than the average. You can hate Trump but don't make up shit, it makes it too easy to counter.

Anonymous said...

Lol! Mark!