Thursday, 21 June 2018

United Nations Human Rights Council - The 2018 awards

Good day! I am Dr Barrister Adoke Aboyongo and I am please to announce UNHRC awards for 2018. The Council has seven first world members (not eligible for prizes due to colonial advantages) and forty members drawn from the minor kleptocracies, dictatorships, banana republics, junta, repressive autocracies or theocracies and corrupt and failed states from around the world. This year those forty nations competed for our top prizes and I am happy to announce the winners. 

THE LAVRENTI BERIA AWARD FOR EXTRAJUDICIAL MURDER
The judges were unanimous in deciding this award should go to PRESIDENT DUTERTE of the Phillipines for having shot more citizens in twelve months than any other dictator of the past 60 years. The professionalism and commitment of Mr Duterte's death squads, working overnight and weekends, have left a mountain of corpses and a lake of blood on Manila's streets. 

GILLETTE PRIZE FOR EXCELLENCE IN PUBLIC EXECUTIONS 
For the 11th year running this prize has gone to the KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA, a nation foremost in skills of head-chopping and spectacular and bloody public executions. A special mention of the nation's high regard for gender equality was underlined by the panel - in 2017 some 27% of heads chopped were women's, the highest proportion ever of women executed in the Kingdom.

MONSANTO GOLD MEDAL FOR AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT
The winner of the 2018 award is SOUTH AFRICA. The rape, murder, mutilation and dismemberment of white farmers under Operation Machete has achieved remarkable levels of terror, fear and lawlessness, and the police and government are congratulated for refraining from intervening in any way with the movement. At the same time, the activists have achieved a 14% reduction in domestic food production and cash-crop harvests - a spectacular reduction for the 21st century.

THE POL POT PRIZE FOR POPULATION DEGRADATION
The judges were faced with a strong field of candidates and shortlisting was a difficult process. Finally, the decision was unanimous to award the prize to VENEZUELA; the sheer levels of incompetence required to turn an oil-rich second world nation into an impoverished failed state with a starving population forced to kill and eat their pet cats and dogs could not be equalled. 

With deep thanks to all the nations of the 40 who were not successful this year, and to the many of you who made kind contributions to the Aboyongo Fund for Comfortable Retirements ($ only, please!).

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Yes, all the above nations really are members of the UN Human Rights Council.

7 comments:

john cheshire said...

I'm sure Helena Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice Bailey, Albert Pike, Kurt Waldheim et al would be thrilled that their luciferian plans have been implemented so effectively.

Dave_G said...


Peoples perception of the UN has been clouded by the media presentation of them as 'saviours in times of trouble' whilst their obvious transgressions are certainly less well advertised.

But, thanks once again to t'internet (and, in no small way to Trump) the blinkers are being lifted and, like Globalism and the EU, their REAL motives are being exposed for all to see.

I'm waiting for when the larger proportion of public get wind of the 'Agendas' that have been quietly enforced, not least the cAGW scam (wealth redistribution scheme) and the real kick back begins. So-called Populism, I'm sure, has its roots in such revelations.

Bill Sticker said...

It's at times like these that the phrase "You couldn't make this stuff up" has a particular piquancy.

Doug Shoulders said...

Sir, you forgot the "Hoist by one’s own petard" award of which there are many contenders both living and already hoisted.

DeeDee99 said...

I presume the Saudi women who had their heads chopped off were made to keep their burkas on whilst the executions were carried out, to protect their modesty.

Can't have Islam's standards slipping for the convenience of the executioner.

John Vasc said...

And what about the 'Federica Mogherini Award for Useless But Decorative Handflapping and Tearfulness' - a fit prize for the EU's Oh-so-High Representative, a skilled expert in the Semaphore of Empty Virtue Signals.

Anonymous said...

Eztra prize double trophy; the TonTon Macoute Papa Doc special for UNICEF helping themselves to sex workers and introducing Cholera to the people of Haiti in the aftermath of the 2010 earthquake thank you lads for all your corruption and crap 'nation building' all that money and fuck all benefit to the locals.

The British Army could have done more in a couple of months and clean water.