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Wednesday, 13 February 2019

CUTTER!

On board HM Cutter Vexatious somewhere in the Med ..

The tannoy crackles into life

"Now hear this! We have been ordered back to the UK to patrol Channel waters to intercept up a new wave of migrants crossing from France. We will make cautious passage via a number of ports, combining our passage home with a number of courtesy visits. Number 4 working rig under way with Whites in port until Gib. That's all."

In the wheelhouse the 1st Lt shifted against the chart table. "How long do you think we can string it out, sir?"

"Our orders say 'dawdle'. So I reckon we can take six weeks or so. Maybe develop an engine fault - that could give us another four weeks if needed. The last thing they want is us working the box in the Channel and actually picking up migrants"

"But I don't understand why we've been ordered home, sir? We were doing perfectly well not picking up migrants from Libya, so why go back home to not pick up migrants from France?"

"Politics, Futtock, politics. We have to be there to prove that the government is compassionate and humanitarian, but without actually rescuing anyone who would embarrass the Home Secretary. He's still reeling from putting that twelve year old with a full henna beard and three wives into Knob Hill Secondary. And right now not rescuing Channel migrants has greater priority than not rescuing African migrants"

"Some of the lads were talking about the old days, when they used to board yachts looking for hooky fags and baccy, sir. Or maybe catching some Rupert with a K of skunk. Now they say it's just lying in port with a maintenance watch and sunbathing"

"What's wrong with that? You've never been stuck in a frozen muddy creek near Hull, Futtock, waiting for a non-existent landing of Superkings and missing the final of X-factor. Thank God we had those TV satellite domes fitted before we sailed"

"Oh. And do get back into men's clothes before we reach the Western Approaches, Number One. Those sarong wraps really won't do for Pompey."

HMC Seeker - ordered home 31/12/18, as at 0700hrs GMT 13/2/19 berthed at Gibraltar

26 comments:

right-writes said...

To be honest, if it was a question of the lesser of two evils, I would rather house the immigrants than put up with Javid and the rest of his mafiosi for much longer.

These people are poisonous.

Anonymous said...

Never mind a few rafts carrying a handful of asylum-seekers in the Channel.

What about the many thousands, who land normally on visas every year at UK airports, but who never return, and who just melt into the crowd?

If you have an unregulated cash economy, and no ID cards (as Labour proposed) then that's what you get.

DiscoveredJoys said...

House of Knob Commons

House of Knob Lords

European Knob Union

Not so whimsical now... but rather catchy.

Anonymous said...

So what is to be done about the people traffickers and drug importers based in Gibraltar then?

Spain does have a point on this. It's no use bleating about these problems being shipped into the EU from Africa, when the UK's stance on the rock is so unhelpful.

Gardener Fisher said...

Navy are not what they used to be. Goes for most of the country for that matter. As for our Home Secretary, I cannot think when we last had one who was halfway competent, not this century anyway. The present one, ex bank speculator and incompetent I suppose keeps his job because Chris Grayling makes him look like a genius.

Anonymous said...

Roy Jenkins was our last competent Home Secretary.

Don Cox

mikebravo said...

Roy Jenkins was our last competent Home Secretary.

Brilliant! Early morning satire. Very British.

rapscallion said...

Just for the sake of accuracy, you would NEVER hear the words "Now hear this" on a British warship. It was always "D'ye hear there"

"Now hear this" is used on US warships.

Anonymous said...

The RN didn't do too badly, fighting populism in WWII.

Pity about all the fine men and vessels lost in so doing though.

Some folk never learn.

Raedwald said...

Your illiteracy is showing;

Populism is just what anti-democrats call democracy
fascism isn't democracy - fascism is anti-democracy
populists fight fascism - democrats fight fascism
populists fight anti-democracy - democrats fight anti-democracy

Seems like the only supporters of fascism and anti-democracy are those who decry 'populism'.

Wessexboy said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The RN didn't do too badly, fighting populism in WWII.
If I remember rightly it was fighting National SOCIALISM which happened after Mr Hitler was invited into a position of power by those already in charge.
Populism is people voting for what you don't like....

Anonymous said...

Damn those inconvenient facts eh, Raed?

Well, it's your blog, so yes, delete them by all means.

Raedwald said...

Don't flatter yourself -

1. Off topic
2. Pointless trolling

You're rubbish at this.

jack ketch said...

Mr Hitler was invited into a position of power by those already in charge.

He was invited to be Reichskanzler after winning 35% of a democratic vote but he wasn't made C-in-C of Germany's armed forces until after the '34 plebis-cide and after a plebis-cide a year before to Grexit the League Of Nations. There is a lesson in there somewhere.

Raedwald said...

Hitler took power because the Germans failed to defend their democracy

Universal suffrage, the secret ballot and the right to form political associations are the granite bedrock of democracy that keep us all safe - and I for one will never consent to see those hard-won rights undermined.

The lesson to be learned is to fight for democracy - whatever the cost

Bill Quango MP said...

Love it Radders.

The only RN Captain I know these days is actually, a woman.

Finished her Gulf tour last year and is doing two years shore-bound training for something or other, probably HR workshops or Health and Safety courses.
Before going off again.

I do know that this captain personally brought full supermarket boxes of crisps and cadbury's chocolate bars, and had them flown out to her ship in the Gulf. She then dished them out for performance, conduct and morale purposes. Much like rum was totted out in the old days.

{From what i gather MOD only has healthy option snacks on board. Fat free this and sugar free that. So her stash of Asda's finest ruffled cheese and onion crisps and milky bars was a treat to work for.}

Anonymous said...

Raed and his thralls' idea of true democracy is apparently where 51% can vote to kill the other 49% and this then happens.

All civilised democracies require an ethical or moral constitution outside of which they cannot stray, which in turn means constraints on the power of the people. That is unavoidable, unless you consider places like Rwanda to be civilised.

jack ketch said...


[please delete, Raed, if you feel we're straying too far O/T]

Hitler took power because the Germans failed to defend their democracy

It would be perhaps better to say the Germans equated 'The Will Of The People'(Volkswille) with 'democracy' (Appositely it was the centenary of the Weimar Verfassung just the other day-which was a brave stab at a parliamentary democracy, although fatally flawed). One of the first things Hitler did when Reichskanzler was to bring in rule by referendum.

Universal suffrage, the secret ballot and the right to form political associations are the granite bedrock of democracy that keep us all safe - and I for one will never consent to see those hard-won rights undermined.

The lesson to be learned is to fight for democracy - whatever the cost


Absolute 100% agreement there.

Bill Quango MP said...

Fascist nations.
Just for the record.
These were all voluntary. Possible exception of Spain, which had a war about it.

Hungary.
Spain
Portugal
Bulgaria
Romania
Italy
Germany
Austria
Brazil
Chile
Argentina
Yugoslavia
Japan
Thailand

Might be some others.
Early Poland was quite fascist.


Anon the troll, fascism was NEVER even as popular as communism, which was never popular,in the UK or USA. While both were all the rage for seventy or so years in European union countries.

jack ketch said...


Raed and his thralls' idea of true democracy is apparently where 51% can vote to kill the other 49%
- Anon

That is absolute bollocks, defamatory and below you.

John Miller said...

Rather more importantly it appears our Prime Minister has lied to everyone and misled the country, the Cabinet and Parliament for two and a half years.

Thanks to her carefully chosen Civil Srvice ally posing as a loudmouth drunkard we learn the latest con trick.

For her to stay in place a moment longer is to condone treason.

Cascadian said...

No longer a blue-water Navy, an SJW rainbow-Navy unable to cross the Bay of Biscay.

George Mainwaring said...

GOSPLAN

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm just applying logic to what has been claimed here before.

If the will of the winners in a referendum must always prevail, and there are no limits whatsoever on the topics for those votes, then my conclusion is logically inescapable, it appears to me.

I did qualify my remark with "apparently", so as not to fall into the trap of which you accuse me, Jack.

Maybe Raed would clarify, as to whether he thinks that there should be any constraints on the popular "will"?

Sorry to digress rather, but here we are.

Raedwald said...

Anon - No. Enough off topic jejune posturing. If I write a post again on direct democracy you can contribute - but I wrote extensively on this just a few weeks ago and you had nothing to say.

http://raedwald.blogspot.com/2019/01/reform-and-renewal-new-forms-of.html

I recommend you read the cogent and intelligent responses to that post before further attempts at disruption.

Anonymous said...

I remember "jejune" coming up on Call My Bluff, offered by the late, bow-tied, Frank Muir et al.

It seems that their efforts were not in vain eh, Raed?

But if the BBC bring back The Navy Lark for the wireless, then maybe you can repay in kind?